Life is too unpredictable. You just never know what to expect. Sometimes you think you got it all figured out and have planned out exactly what you need to do in order to achieve your goals but then you hit a snag. Life throws you something so unexpected, then you’re off-balance. You try to keep your balance but it’s not easy at times and you have no choice but to accept the circumstances that life has given you. When things like this happen we can’t help but get disappointed. We get angry, sad and discouraged. We blame ourselves for what happened only to realize later on that there really isn’t anything that we could have done differently that would alter the circumstances. There are just things in life that are meant to happen the way it’s supposed to. We can’t control everything. We can’t control how others would respond to us. We can’t control the universe. The only thing that we have control over is how we respond to the circumstances that we are put through. I know sometimes these circumstances are so draining that it consumes our whole being. It can be frustrating and heartbreaking. Sometimes you hit rock bottom, feel hopeless and the option of just giving up becomes a much easier choice and more convenient because you’re thinking, “I have done everything that I could and it’s still not enough! What’s the point anymore?”. I know exactly how that feels! i spent a good amount of time blaming myself for what had happened to me recently. I spent days crying over it and I felt helpless. I was depressed and hated myself for having a severe anxiety and OCD. The amount of frustration was too much and I didn’t know what to do anymore. I kept asking myself what else do I need to do. I’ve been doing that best that I can and have given my all but why is that still not enough.  Then someone wise said to me, “because these people are not ready to accept you for who you are.” He said, “There is nothing more that you could do. You’ve done everything that you could and you continue to do your best. That’s all that you could do. You put your faith and trust in these people by being honest about your condition and they are not ready to accept that. They are not ready to accept you for who you are. Forget about what they said. Forget about what they think. What matters is that you’re doing your best and that’s what counts. Continue with that and don’t let others dampen your spirit. Have faith and keep praying for guidance.”  Then I realized that he was right. There’s really nothing that I can do but to keep doing my best despite my struggles. This is my reality and the acceptance has to start from me. I can’t keep torturing myself for something that I have no control over because I’m the one who ends up suffering. I did not choose to have this illness. Sometimes when the compulsions, obsessions and rituals are completely out of control and I’m spending 3-4 hours dealing with it, the frustration gets too much to bear. I feel helpless and start asking our creator, “WHY ME?” Yes, why me? But I know that He has better plans for me and that He’s always guiding and protecting me. I believe He has a good reason why things happen the way that it did and how it happened. One thing that I’m really grateful for when I was put in that situation was that I was mostly calm and still had the presence of mind. I am not going to lie and say that I am not bothered by it anymore but I’m glad that I am surrounded by loved ones who understand what I’m going through which helps a whole lot. What I learned is that no matter what you do and how hard you work to keep proving your worth to someone, how they look at you will never change if they are not willing to accept you for who your are. What matters is that no matter what circumstances you were put under, you kept doing your best and never lost yourself in the process. 

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