To some or many, stress has become somewhat part of a norm whether we like it or not. A lot of times we try our best not to get stressed out with life’s common daily stressors but we always fall into that “stress trap” because we just can’t help it! Whether it’s work related stress, relationship stress and sometimes even deciding what to eat for dinner can cause stress because you can’t make up your mind what to eat. I for one am guilty of the latter! Hehehehe! Stress is almost always there and at times can’t be avoided but of course we can always try to reduce it.

I try my best not to get stressed out too much but I’m such a worrywart at times and I’m constantly thinking until I’m all worked up. I get anxious under pressure and this has caused me to develop an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which started when I was fifteen years old. I kept this from family and friends for many years. I would not speak of my OCD to anyone because I was worried that they would not understand me or would think that I’m a freak. I think a part of me was also in denial because I was able to sort of cure my OCD on my own, with no medication and treatment twice in the past, so I thought I could do it again.

It was over a decade ago when I first decided to get checked by a doctor to get a formal diagnosis and to get help with medication but I changed my mind the last-minute about taking any meds, so I settled for doing a therapy instead. I had three sessions with the therapist but I only went once because somehow I felt cured and my OCD went away, at least for a little bit. Then a few years later it’s back again and this time it’s even worst to the point that it’s becoming uncontrollable. So I decided to get checked again, this time I warmed up to the possibility of taking a prescribed medication but I only took the medication once due to fear of its side-effects. I figured I can cure my OCD in a more natural way since I’ve done it before. Unfortunately that hasn’t been the case within the last seven years. I’ve had a relapse from the last time that I thought I’d been cured. It became worst and worst that it has been paralyzing and it made me feel like a prisoner in my own little world. It’s been tough dealing with this disorder. I can’t function normal and I feel helpless every time I’m having one of those episodes. It has gotten really bad that it has affected major areas in my life and something has to be done. Through all of this I still couldn’t get myself to tell even the people I am closest with about my agony. I was afraid of being judged and thought of as weird. I was worried that they would think of me less but after years of debating with myself whether I should say something or not, I decided to open up about it. It was tough to talk about it but I felt relieved. I am also glad that my family, friends and colleagues understand my situation and with their encouragement, I decided to seek professional help once more and I’m so glad I did!

A few weeks ago I went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with a severe case of generalized anxiety with OCD. I am currently under medication and under going therapy.  I had a hard time accepting the reality of things at first because I was in denial for the longest time that I needed professional help. I couldn’t admit it to anyone and most specially to myself that I’m not healthy and needed help. I had to do something about it or else I’d be a prisoner of this disorder my entire life. If only I was brave enough to acknowledge that I have this disorder sooner, I would’ve been cured much sooner as well; but I’m happy that I finally did seek help and am slowly on my way to recovery. I feel fortunate to be surrounded by people who have been very supportive of me in my efforts to fight this disorder. I can’t thank them enough for encouraging me and believing that I can overcome this trial. Because of this, I found the strength to fight. I know it’s a long way to go but I am taking baby steps and I’m sure that soon I will finally have my normal life back. It’s amazing how acknowledging that I have this disorder and learning to accept the reality of things has turned me from being mum about it to even sharing it here in my blog. I feel liberated as if a heavy burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I went from feeling helpless and hopeless to feeling hopeful and enthusiastic on my way to recovery. I can’t wait ’til the day comes when I can finally function normal and have a peace of mind.