This just in: let’s pretend that science has proven that karma is a thing. Your words and actions will influence what happens to you in the future. How (if at all) will you change your ways?
If science has proven that karma is a thing, I will make more efforts in expressing to my mother how grateful I am for the sacrifices that she made for me and my grandparents. This is actually something that I am doing now. Growing up from a broken family wasn’t easy and I was left in the care of my grandparents when I was only 2 months old. I grew up without a father and a mother by my side. Both of my parents were working overseas, in separate countries, which put a major strain in their relationship and eventually lived separate lives. My grandparents were more like my parents and they took care of me until I migrated to the U.S. to live with my father. I became really independent at a very young age. It’s not that I don’t listen. I always do, but I follow my heart most of the time. Some may think that I’m being stubborn but the reason behind it is because I don’t want to blame anyone for anything if the outcome isn’t the way I expected it to be. That is one of the major reasons why my relationship with my mother was very tumultuous for so many years. We rarely got along. We argued a lot over the phone. I felt that she didn’t understand me because she barely knew me. I resented her for many years because she missed all the important events in my life like birthdays, graduation from grade school, high school and college. She refuses to give up her job overseas to come home and be with me when I was growing up and she missed my grade school and high school graduation. She said she had to work to provide for me and my grandparents. Then when I moved to the U.S. and went to college I thought things would change because I didn’t have to rely on her for support anymore. I was working and put myself to college so I figured she would make the effort to attend my college graduation, but again she failed me. She promised me she would go but didn’t. I was disappointed once again but I kept it all in. I never said a word to her about what I truly felt. I pretended that it wasn’t a big deal. I bottled it all up and the resentment kept piling. I stopped writing her letters and called less and less. There were times when I ignored her phone calls because I felt that she doesn’t need me in her life. It took 23 years before we saw each other again and it probably wouldn’t happen if my Uncle (who was like a father to me) didn’t pass away. We only spent a week together and half of it we didn’t spoke because we were upset with each other. We went back to how we were and didn’t speak to each other for about a year until three months ago when we received the news about my grandmother being rushed to the hospital and she was in critical condition. The doctor said that there was a chance that she might not make it because she was losing a lot of blood and was very weak due to her peptic ulcer. I had to go home. I had to see my grandmother. Shortly after that I received a call from my mother to plan our trip. It was a trip that forever changed my life and my relationship with my mother. It was the longest time we’ve ever spent together since she left when I was 8 years old. After 25 long years we finally had the chance to get to know each other and talk about the things that we’ve been avoiding for so long. It was a moment that we’ve both been waiting for. It was a chance for my mother to explain her side of story. It was a time for clarity. I now have a better understanding as to why she made the choices that she did then. I learned about the hardships that she went through as a single parent and the sacrifices that she made in order to give me a better life and to help provide for my grandparents. My mother provided all the material things that I needed when I was growing up but all I wanted was for her to be by my side. I thought she didn’t love me. I thought she didn’t care. But now I finally understand the depth of her love for me and I am working on building a better relationship with her.